rise above | the capsule, volume two

I've been filling up journals for almost twenty years (had to check math, but yes, I am old enough for that to be possible).  I started this blog two months ago.  This is how I honor both significant and seemingly insignificant pieces of my life from a number of diaries, composition notebooks, old blogs, and notes scribbled on post its. Some things relate, some don't. I don't try super hard to find connections, but it pumps me up when it happens. For my first capsule post, click here.

December 27th, 2013

So here's how the year started. We were drenched in champagne, a half hour away from my apartment, arguing about taking the cta home - yes because penny ride, no because probable men with knives and also seven degrees not counting the wind chill. And then we argued our way through the year. I don't know what the turn of this year will hold, I'll be in Arkansas, but the year after that I want to be in my sweats. Maybe I will host a sweats party. 2013 went by incredibly fast, but at the same time, felt like it actually lasted forever. I try not to delve into the past too often, because historically, I don't come out on the other side having done such a great job with it.  Opening doors and my heart back up to people I really shouldn't in the name of the good old days. Casual reminder: stop, maybe?

June 27th, 2016

I want some good solid quality attention from the wrong people. I want the wrong kind of attention from the right people. I want attention from myself, then remember I almost always have that covered. 

Sometimes, when I'm going through a season of change and uncertainty, I feel like someone yanks my forearm and writes in Sharpie, 'GO BACK TO THE PEOPLE WHO YOU KNOW AREN'T YOUR PEOPLE. WHO CARES? DO IT.'

I want to make good decisions, pursue the good, surround myself with the positive, eat three bowls of Frosted Flakes for dinner, and calibrate my dang moral compass already.

March 2nd, 2014

YO. Currently sitting at the Starbucks in Bourbonnais waiting to meet the fam at grandma and grandpa's and the girl next to me (Olivet probs) asked me how I liked Crazy Love. We chatted for a second before I grabbed my iced macchiato (it's 2 degrees but i'm over it). Sundays are cool. Life is neat. She is opened up to Luke and I don't know about going so far as to striking up a full-on convo with her as she's here alone as well, but it's times like these that really make me think - opportunities are truly all around us to just speak words of love and open up our hearts to others. This is an EASY opportunity, at that.

February 27th, 2016

Today was an important hammock day. I felt so at peace and loved by God. It was somehow an amazing 70 degrees, plenty of people walked by my little setup at K3, but no one tried to strike up a conversation and that was much appreciated, if I'm bein' real. I just needed sweet silence for awhile. I listened to some music for a bit at first while I texted Holly, but other than that I swayed in silence. After five solid hours, I went over to Bourb and spent time with the grandparents. Days like these are so precious to me.

Feb 2016 | March 2014 | June 2016

Feb 2016 | March 2014 | June 2016

June 13th, 2016

It has taken me nearly a full year to get through the songs on Every Open Eye and I LOVE HOW I DO THAT WITH ALBUMS. They take me through whole seasons, and I always manage to randomly pick the songs most applicable to my situation that WEEK to put on my Spotify playlist and totally drill into the ground. Leave a Trace first. Last summer. Worktour withdrawals. Pumping myself up with iced coffee before work. I have somehow got away with everything. High Enough to Carry You Over: November. Cold. Dyed my hair red, quit my job, couldn't focus to save my life. No more clarity, only confusion. Every focused thought, just an illusion. Clearest Blue: that beautiful weekend in February, 70 and sunny, where I felt the most peace in I don't know how long. Nothing compared to the past few weeks, but I took what I could get at that point. Alone but not lonely, cocooned in my lil hammock at K3. Please say you'll meet me, you'll meet me halfway. Make Them Gold on the other side of my ~awakening~. WE WILL TAKE THE BEST PARTS OF OURSELVES AND MAKE THEM GOLD. Moving. Here we go. Staying gold. Last week: absolutely BLASTING Bury It (Hayley Williams version OFC), becoming acquainted with my new surroundings, bury it & rise above; Siri interrupting with a "in .5 miles, turn left on Wedington", and then, one day, not needing her help. Home base. 

July 18th, 2016

Want to know what July in Arkansas is like? Sauna. Straight up. Drove over to the post office, A/C and CHVRCHES on blast, praises. Two summer necessities. Like there's nothing to regret and nothing to prove

Me: *blasts CHVRCHES from my car while stopping for construction* 
Construction worker with stop sign: *dances really hard*

93 degrees, 100% humidity, 3pm. He was loving the last bit out of life. This is going in that blog post. It really is all about the little things.

Light, it's all over us, like it always was, like it always was.

the capsule | volume one

march 5th, 2010

We ate meat on a Friday during Lent. Not just any meat. Portillo's beef. What are we doing with our lives? It took us until we were sitting in my car in the parking lot, reflecting on the sheer amount of animal we consumed, to realize it was a FRIDAY and we're NOT GOOD AT LIFE. We were screaming! I think 80% of the reason why we care is because we definitely talked about not eating meat today three separate times. We whined about our choices all the way back home, but then taught Zoe the dog how to properly dance to Lil Wayne, and of course, Ke$ha songs. Overall, a good night.

july 31st, 2014

Happiness is found in identifying joy and calling repeat on your favorite times. In The Eagles on warm summer nights. In an open invitation to rest on your shoulder. In homemade snickerdoodles. In Pigeon Tunes 6. In dragging one another out the door to catch the sunrise over the lake. This entire summer has got me feeling twelve instead of twenty-two.

march 13th, 2016

thrive. that's my new word. thrive.
"say it."

august 20th, 2005

This summer was like vanilla ice cream. Simple and sweet. Shaped by XRT and 2am talks with your mom, and roy at the foot of the couch. Balmy summer nights at your house are my favorite. Cherry pull-apart twizzlers are the best things in the WORLD. Taking turns to search for songs on Limewire. Fingers crossed your desktop doesn't get a virus. WANNA DISCO? WANNA SEE ME DISCO?

may 19th, 2016

"If you have to explain the meme too much, it's probably not that good of a meme." So I'm sitting here thinking about how I should apply this approach to this new series for the #blawg I'm considering. I know if I do it, it's going to be called the capsule. I am 95% happy with the name, but 100% stoked on the concept. I have hoarded inspiration from the journals I've kept since 1999 and the thousands of tweets I have in a handy archive that I unashamedly read every couple months, because I have this borderline love affair with my past. I enjoy looking back on the memz. Anyway, I want to write. I want to tell my stories. But I HAVE written, I HAVE told stories, and I have lived these goofy moments. Enter the capsule. I can say with confidence I have written something - either on my computer or in print - and have taken (tens of) pictures a day, every day, for the past thirteen years. At least. I can tell you exactly what I was doing on June 20th, 2008. It was not an exceptional day, necessarily, but I have words. And pictures. They're dated. I have a wicked good memory this way. With help. Here's to all the words I have thrown together, and the conversations that have helped shape me.  I want to put them in this space, because I can. Is this for me? Is this for you? Probably me. Everything is. I'm a millennial. 

december 4th, 2010

(to the tune of "Are You Happy Now?" by Michelle Branch)
can you WEAAAR your bangs down, because you look so hot like that, oooOOOOOO-ooooooh
I guess Hartley didn't appreciate the 1am singalong that was happening on our floor.

december 1st, 2013

Well all I can really think about is how you remind me of being free - that love is not about ownership, love is about appreciation, and i just want to appreciate you, and I hope my love is able to set you free.

You remind me that there is this sweet impermanence to life - it scares me but not in a way that makes me want to run; in a way that makes me want to run into your arms even more.

some golden hour hangs with the partner in crime right before the dramatic lenten portillo's experience. 3/5/10.

some golden hour hangs with the partner in crime right before the dramatic lenten portillo's experience. 3/5/10.