I've been filling up journals for almost twenty years (had to check math, but yes, I am old enough for that to be possible). I started this blog two months ago. This is how I honor both significant and seemingly insignificant pieces of my life from a number of diaries, composition notebooks, old blogs, and notes scribbled on post its. Some things relate, some don't. I don't try super hard to find connections, but it pumps me up when it happens. For my first capsule post, click here.
December 27th, 2013
So here's how the year started. We were drenched in champagne, a half hour away from my apartment, arguing about taking the cta home - yes because penny ride, no because probable men with knives and also seven degrees not counting the wind chill. And then we argued our way through the year. I don't know what the turn of this year will hold, I'll be in Arkansas, but the year after that I want to be in my sweats. Maybe I will host a sweats party. 2013 went by incredibly fast, but at the same time, felt like it actually lasted forever. I try not to delve into the past too often, because historically, I don't come out on the other side having done such a great job with it. Opening doors and my heart back up to people I really shouldn't in the name of the good old days. Casual reminder: stop, maybe?
June 27th, 2016
I want some good solid quality attention from the wrong people. I want the wrong kind of attention from the right people. I want attention from myself, then remember I almost always have that covered.
Sometimes, when I'm going through a season of change and uncertainty, I feel like someone yanks my forearm and writes in Sharpie, 'GO BACK TO THE PEOPLE WHO YOU KNOW AREN'T YOUR PEOPLE. WHO CARES? DO IT.'
I want to make good decisions, pursue the good, surround myself with the positive, eat three bowls of Frosted Flakes for dinner, and calibrate my dang moral compass already.
March 2nd, 2014
YO. Currently sitting at the Starbucks in Bourbonnais waiting to meet the fam at grandma and grandpa's and the girl next to me (Olivet probs) asked me how I liked Crazy Love. We chatted for a second before I grabbed my iced macchiato (it's 2 degrees but i'm over it). Sundays are cool. Life is neat. She is opened up to Luke and I don't know about going so far as to striking up a full-on convo with her as she's here alone as well, but it's times like these that really make me think - opportunities are truly all around us to just speak words of love and open up our hearts to others. This is an EASY opportunity, at that.
February 27th, 2016
Today was an important hammock day. I felt so at peace and loved by God. It was somehow an amazing 70 degrees, plenty of people walked by my little setup at K3, but no one tried to strike up a conversation and that was much appreciated, if I'm bein' real. I just needed sweet silence for awhile. I listened to some music for a bit at first while I texted Holly, but other than that I swayed in silence. After five solid hours, I went over to Bourb and spent time with the grandparents. Days like these are so precious to me.
June 13th, 2016
It has taken me nearly a full year to get through the songs on Every Open Eye and I LOVE HOW I DO THAT WITH ALBUMS. They take me through whole seasons, and I always manage to randomly pick the songs most applicable to my situation that WEEK to put on my Spotify playlist and totally drill into the ground. Leave a Trace first. Last summer. Worktour withdrawals. Pumping myself up with iced coffee before work. I have somehow got away with everything. High Enough to Carry You Over: November. Cold. Dyed my hair red, quit my job, couldn't focus to save my life. No more clarity, only confusion. Every focused thought, just an illusion. Clearest Blue: that beautiful weekend in February, 70 and sunny, where I felt the most peace in I don't know how long. Nothing compared to the past few weeks, but I took what I could get at that point. Alone but not lonely, cocooned in my lil hammock at K3. Please say you'll meet me, you'll meet me halfway. Make Them Gold on the other side of my ~awakening~. WE WILL TAKE THE BEST PARTS OF OURSELVES AND MAKE THEM GOLD. Moving. Here we go. Staying gold. Last week: absolutely BLASTING Bury It (Hayley Williams version OFC), becoming acquainted with my new surroundings, bury it & rise above; Siri interrupting with a "in .5 miles, turn left on Wedington", and then, one day, not needing her help. Home base.
July 18th, 2016
Want to know what July in Arkansas is like? Sauna. Straight up. Drove over to the post office, A/C and CHVRCHES on blast, praises. Two summer necessities. Like there's nothing to regret and nothing to prove.
Me: *blasts CHVRCHES from my car while stopping for construction*
Construction worker with stop sign: *dances really hard*
93 degrees, 100% humidity, 3pm. He was loving the last bit out of life. This is going in that blog post. It really is all about the little things.